You may remember what happened with my massage teacher. On the 19th he grabbed my nose in anger because I wasn't getting a routine and told me to listen to him. I said nothing at the time, had dinner with my husband, called a lawyer friend and spoke to that massage teacher, referred to as Mike in my blog but really called Thomas, and told him that in The Last Frontier what he did was considered assault and to never do that to me or anyone else again. He said that it was a learning technique that he used on students but said he'd not do it again to me. The next morning, in a non massage related technique called "Emotional Release" he did it again-- but in front of the class. I bitch slapped him and said he was done and that I'd sit down. The Tucker laughed and did it again. I gathered my stuff and left. I filed a report.
I went back only because my husband insisted and thought we could work something out with the Alaskan massage certification board. (It was a weekend. I had no one to call.)
When I was camping a few weeks ago, he called my husband's cell phone. He seemed nervous, would I please call him back. I sent him a nasty email and he responded that he'd been summoned to appear in court up here! LOL I said I'd check on it (when I had time and I have none and didn't plan to call him.) I didn't bother. It was out of my hands because assault is a felony up here and if the DA wanted to take it on, there was nothing I could do.
I recieved a letter from the DA's office saying that the case had been dropped but that the complaint was still on file and that there was an official record of it. Meanwhile, he sent me another note asking if I'd done anything about looking into it and I, knowing that it was closed, said nothing of it but mentioned that had he not yanked my nose THREE TIMES that he'd not be in his situation. By now he has gotten the letter, but it will either serve to make him think twice before he tries it again or serve to establish a pattern of behavior when someone else complains.
He hurt me, but it wasn't that he hurt me so much as that what he did was demeaning and that I'd told him not to. The guy was a flirt and works with young women as well as older ones like me and even older-- but he really has boundary issues. At no point did I give up my autonomy. What he did was almost eerie because the first time he did it, he appologized and sounded like an abusive boyfriend assuring me that he'd never do it again. The 2nd/3rd time he did it, his appology was the same, but he said that no one would care if I reported him and said that any publicity that I created would be good for his school. The guy is an MD by training and I can't help but wonder about him.
Showing posts with label Massage school in Alaska. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Massage school in Alaska. Show all posts
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Monday, July 07, 2008
Still Waters can be Shallow
At What Do I Know, Steve (who knows how little he knows but who knows more than most people and is very wise) mentions that people just don't think deeply. We have a major political scandal going on with our Republican congressman with some scary issues that few reporters are talking about. I won't even attempt to write about the issues-- I read of them and consider them, but there is no one who I can really talk to about them. My friends are mostly Republicans, and they defend their hero and won't hear a word of him that is bad. They slam his opponent who I have met and also like-- the slamming is the degrading snickering as opposed to real discussion. They do not talk about new information-- they rehash what they have read or heard by popular radio talk show hosts who are just as mean as they are and who they imitate, and there is no real exchange of ideas. (I read the blogs about what is going on and filter information for myself. When I go to the polls I do so with a heavy heart, although we always have a party here because it is Election Day and we eat cookies with elephants and donkeys on them. I am a nerd-- I named my eldest for a teacher who told us that voting was a sacred right. No, she was not named Tiger-- but she may as well have been!)
Steve asks, "What does it take to get a significant part of the population to get it? Or is the distraction industry - sports, video games, celebrity gossip, etc. - too powerful for people to attend to protecting the US Constitution?" I thought about it and commented on it, even though I am not worthy to say anything at his blog. Most soccer mommies like myself don't speak deeply-- there will be people who tell me to speak for myself, but when you hear many people talk at soccer games or places where we meet to talk, you realize that they communicate because of their need to interact, not to get to know more information. I never click on anything that has the names of certain celebrities or their spouses, yet many of these people obsess over them. At my massage school, there were people who didn't know that our former president Bill's wife was out of the race. Alaska had legislation going to regulate massage therapists yet none of them knew what it was or that it was tabled because (surprise!) the massage therapist board was to disorganized to work with the politicians. I was seriously out of place for bringing things up-- I politely pushed them due to the importance, but my comments fell flat while those under 30 talked nonstop about the 70's Show.
When I worked at Super~Mart, our newly elected governor came in. I nearly had a heart attack when she saw me and called me by name-- I'd volunteered for her but was delighted that she remembered me. Afterward I went on break and was in the back, "Our governor shops at Super~Mart! She knows who I am!" A cow-orker said, "Who'dat?" Then said the name of a governor from the 1970's. I said no, it was Sarah Palin. Someone asked if she was a senator, the daughter of the man she replaced. The first woman said, "What do I know? I don't vote!" She smacked the table and laughed at herself as did the several women sitting at her table. (Those women were popular there-- reverse of highschool where the smart popular people were the leaders. I was not part of the Super~Mart group.) One of the supervisors was watching me and told me to meet him in the store when I got off break.
He explained to me the mantality of many of the people I worked with, "You will never change them." He said that so many had so much going on, working for just above minimum wage, and not really doing anything more intellectual than arguing about their cable bills. Anything that requires real thinking escaped many of them, which was why they would at someplace like the Super~Mart until they priced themselves out of a job-- they'd not get promoted, they'd get regular raises until the company maxxed them out at a certain amount per hour, then be shown the door as managers looked for a reason to fire them and have cheaper labor, then they'd take a pay cut and work the same job elsewhere.
Since having children, my own mind has gotten shallow, and my world has shrunk. I used to be smart but Russian sank me and I failed Transformational Grammar. What is this about? I'd wanted to be a doctor at one time and now I can't even think a sentence diagram through!
I care very much about political events and the history that is being made as we live right now, but it's hard to get too deep when first, I have few friends who understand what is happening who I can talk to abou this, then I am getting pulled in 15 directions anyway.
Several years ago, there was a woman running for my district's seat on the lagislature. A lot of my friends liked her-- I prefered a gentleman who I'd met through another friend. His parents were teachers and he had been a professor. I could listen to him talk and never tire of him. The most effervescent candiate won and we became friends. ANYWAY-- the woman that I am tlaking about: when asked why she was running, she admitted that she'd been thinking about it then was on vaccation in another state when she saw a sign to elicit votes and the sign had the name of another woman with her name and it was a sign from God! She wasn't running because she had great ideas-- she was running because she had a few cool ideas and then there was this sign from God. . . I asked one of my acquaintences why she was supporting her and her mouth gawped open and then she very seriously said, "She just makes sense." WTF? I asked her the three top things she stood for in her mind that would make her good. She named three things off the conservative party platform that this woman backed, but I didn't even know if the candiate understood why she supported them. I said nothing but thought, "I can't believe your vote is worth the same as mine!" Several other supporters would say the same thing. "She just makes sense."
How many people vote or support people because their friends support them? How many people use one issue to vote on and don't care for the others?
Steve really got me to thinking in whatever capacity I am capable of it. Some days, as a parent, I am so worn out that I don't stay on top of my children's behaviour as much as I should. With my kids, I can fortunately go back and correct the problems. But as Steve pointed out, our costitution is being attacked. We cannot be exhausted and say, "I'll get to that later. I'm tired right now." We need to really dig deeper into the facts, question the sources without putting them down for speaking out and try to understand the real issues at hand, but not a significant portion of us are willing to do so.
Steve asks, "What does it take to get a significant part of the population to get it? Or is the distraction industry - sports, video games, celebrity gossip, etc. - too powerful for people to attend to protecting the US Constitution?" I thought about it and commented on it, even though I am not worthy to say anything at his blog. Most soccer mommies like myself don't speak deeply-- there will be people who tell me to speak for myself, but when you hear many people talk at soccer games or places where we meet to talk, you realize that they communicate because of their need to interact, not to get to know more information. I never click on anything that has the names of certain celebrities or their spouses, yet many of these people obsess over them. At my massage school, there were people who didn't know that our former president Bill's wife was out of the race. Alaska had legislation going to regulate massage therapists yet none of them knew what it was or that it was tabled because (surprise!) the massage therapist board was to disorganized to work with the politicians. I was seriously out of place for bringing things up-- I politely pushed them due to the importance, but my comments fell flat while those under 30 talked nonstop about the 70's Show.
When I worked at Super~Mart, our newly elected governor came in. I nearly had a heart attack when she saw me and called me by name-- I'd volunteered for her but was delighted that she remembered me. Afterward I went on break and was in the back, "Our governor shops at Super~Mart! She knows who I am!" A cow-orker said, "Who'dat?" Then said the name of a governor from the 1970's. I said no, it was Sarah Palin. Someone asked if she was a senator, the daughter of the man she replaced. The first woman said, "What do I know? I don't vote!" She smacked the table and laughed at herself as did the several women sitting at her table. (Those women were popular there-- reverse of highschool where the smart popular people were the leaders. I was not part of the Super~Mart group.) One of the supervisors was watching me and told me to meet him in the store when I got off break.
He explained to me the mantality of many of the people I worked with, "You will never change them." He said that so many had so much going on, working for just above minimum wage, and not really doing anything more intellectual than arguing about their cable bills. Anything that requires real thinking escaped many of them, which was why they would at someplace like the Super~Mart until they priced themselves out of a job-- they'd not get promoted, they'd get regular raises until the company maxxed them out at a certain amount per hour, then be shown the door as managers looked for a reason to fire them and have cheaper labor, then they'd take a pay cut and work the same job elsewhere.
Since having children, my own mind has gotten shallow, and my world has shrunk. I used to be smart but Russian sank me and I failed Transformational Grammar. What is this about? I'd wanted to be a doctor at one time and now I can't even think a sentence diagram through!
I care very much about political events and the history that is being made as we live right now, but it's hard to get too deep when first, I have few friends who understand what is happening who I can talk to abou this, then I am getting pulled in 15 directions anyway.
Several years ago, there was a woman running for my district's seat on the lagislature. A lot of my friends liked her-- I prefered a gentleman who I'd met through another friend. His parents were teachers and he had been a professor. I could listen to him talk and never tire of him. The most effervescent candiate won and we became friends. ANYWAY-- the woman that I am tlaking about: when asked why she was running, she admitted that she'd been thinking about it then was on vaccation in another state when she saw a sign to elicit votes and the sign had the name of another woman with her name and it was a sign from God! She wasn't running because she had great ideas-- she was running because she had a few cool ideas and then there was this sign from God. . . I asked one of my acquaintences why she was supporting her and her mouth gawped open and then she very seriously said, "She just makes sense." WTF? I asked her the three top things she stood for in her mind that would make her good. She named three things off the conservative party platform that this woman backed, but I didn't even know if the candiate understood why she supported them. I said nothing but thought, "I can't believe your vote is worth the same as mine!" Several other supporters would say the same thing. "She just makes sense."
How many people vote or support people because their friends support them? How many people use one issue to vote on and don't care for the others?
Steve really got me to thinking in whatever capacity I am capable of it. Some days, as a parent, I am so worn out that I don't stay on top of my children's behaviour as much as I should. With my kids, I can fortunately go back and correct the problems. But as Steve pointed out, our costitution is being attacked. We cannot be exhausted and say, "I'll get to that later. I'm tired right now." We need to really dig deeper into the facts, question the sources without putting them down for speaking out and try to understand the real issues at hand, but not a significant portion of us are willing to do so.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
I finished it
My husband is proud of me but the past few days have been hard. My nose hurts-- it's a one on a scale of one to ten, but it hurts. My teacher has strong hands.
I feel so sad and so angry!
Why didn't he handle this better? I am not wrong for feeling like I was being attacked and running. I had to go back and deal with him and I didn't want to. He is catty! First he rambled about cranial sacral massage and how great it was when I went back-- he did everyone but me. Of course I'd filed a report on him, but I felt assaulted. One of the benefits of the class was that he worked on all of us. Why didn't he say to me that he would work on me BUT that if I felt he was doing anything wrong to say, "Stop." and he'd stop? I asked him in private if he'd work on me and he said no-- did his no empower him? I respected his no, why couldn't he have respected mine?
As the class kept going even to this morning, he was working on others and he'd take sly glances at me and raise an eyebrow. In effect it was, "See what the other girls get that I won't give you because you felt assaulted?" Well, a massage is different from flying at my face! He had said that he'd work on me for my scoliosis-- he never did.
He put me into defense mode-- I have never felt so scared as I did in those less-than-20-seconds that he was grabbing my nose, laughing, then grabbing it again. Why wasn't anyone standing up for me and saying, "Time out! She needs you to stop!" Before he did the exercise he should have told us that if we needed to stop to just say so and he would. The fact is, I told him to stop and he laughed and did it again.
He told me that he'd do the emotional release on me yesterday which I in fact was curious and was ready to do. He put it off several times, first, in a few minutes, then at lunch, then after dinner-- last night at the dinner break, his SO's birthday, he told me he'd work on me this morning before the test. We made eye contact a few times and he'd walk away. What gives? Is he that catty? Why couldn't he have just stopped when I told him to stop? After he grabbed my face on Thursday night and he agreed to never ever do it again, I trusted him! Why was I wrong for freaking out? I am the student-- he is the teacher. Shouldn't he have control? He hurt me-- whether anyone agrees or not, he did hurt me, and I was scared of bodily harm. At first when I said stop, I wanted to just sit back down. When he wouldn't let go of me, I just had to get out. He was not my massage teacher then-- he was something to get the f--- away from.
This is so stupid. I am going over this like it was a car accident! It took just a few seconds and I am ridiculously upset! The thing is, it feels like it was a car accident! There was damage-- and I alone have to work it though. Couldn't he have planned for a bad reaction and made sure that I wouldn't be so freaked that I'd run?
The test lasted two hours-- I worked on my former :( yoga teachers' assistant who owns a cute puppy. Basically, the technique only mattered in how I helped my client. We all passed.
The assistant and I spoke a bit-- she just knew that I reacted badly and I don't know if she was really sympathetic. She says that my teacher for yoga is distancing herself from her massage therapists because they are really-- they sound catty.
I got a massage table out of the deal-- that is great! And some awesome books. I just wish I still had my yoga teacher as a friend (we weren't shopping partners, but I thought of her as a friend and had she ever called me in the middle of the night, I'd have been there for her, but she didn't feel like that for me and it's OK) and that I'd have been friendly with my massage teacher.
Is his "emotional release" a fraud and he knows that since I can't worship him that I would see through it? How do I approach a massage therapist and explain that I have had trauma but that it was caused by this alleged god? If I had a problem with this demigod, I must be terrible.
I'll shake this off. I have to put it behind me. It was traumatic-- what gets to me is that it affected me like it did.
He is to come back here in December but he didn't tell me that he hoped to see me. My investment is down the tubes.
I was freaked out about what I owed, but I was looking forward to paying it and loving the class. May I pay him off quick and may it bring him black fruit if I am truly wronged. While he patronized me in saying how sad he was for what happened, he has already forgotten this and lost no sleep. He will grab the nose of the wrong person. His position as a top massage school person will get knocked down and it will happen from situations like this.
In class he would speak of how students were mad at him for something and that they'd later say that he, the wise master, was right over. I don't know how I can ever think that this is right unless I tell my children about it and explain how people close to us can harm us and why we need boundaries.
My husband said that he was arrogant and self serving and that he is begging to be shot down. It sounds as if he may have been shot at and he likes proving himself for the time being and that this almost gets into an addictive habit. He likes accolades from his acolytes and this frustrates me-- I am not an acolyte or a sheep or someone to follow him or anyone else. I suppose I should thank him for sending me into a bout of fear so at least I know what that is.
Now I need to think about whether or not I want to plead my situation with him and finish school with him or forget about this. I keep thinking, "Only I could pull this crap out of a man revered for his gentleness." WTF? Maybe he is not as gentle as he thinks he is. "The emperor has no clothes!"
This is an excellent article on emotional release. It really seems to emphasize that you need psychological training for it-- certainly it's not for newly minted massage therapists!
Isn't this abuse? This was my vacation-- my time for me. Did he choose to pull the extreme on me because I was the lone sheep in the group? What didn't he just respect my space and let me keep getting the good things that everyone else got? I was the one who asked him to come to Alaska this second time-- I couldn't wait to meet him. So much for his love of all mankind.
I should have listened to my husband when I wanted to do this. He was right. He was so damned right-- about people who do massage and about the profession.
I feel so sad and so angry!
Why didn't he handle this better? I am not wrong for feeling like I was being attacked and running. I had to go back and deal with him and I didn't want to. He is catty! First he rambled about cranial sacral massage and how great it was when I went back-- he did everyone but me. Of course I'd filed a report on him, but I felt assaulted. One of the benefits of the class was that he worked on all of us. Why didn't he say to me that he would work on me BUT that if I felt he was doing anything wrong to say, "Stop." and he'd stop? I asked him in private if he'd work on me and he said no-- did his no empower him? I respected his no, why couldn't he have respected mine?
As the class kept going even to this morning, he was working on others and he'd take sly glances at me and raise an eyebrow. In effect it was, "See what the other girls get that I won't give you because you felt assaulted?" Well, a massage is different from flying at my face! He had said that he'd work on me for my scoliosis-- he never did.
He put me into defense mode-- I have never felt so scared as I did in those less-than-20-seconds that he was grabbing my nose, laughing, then grabbing it again. Why wasn't anyone standing up for me and saying, "Time out! She needs you to stop!" Before he did the exercise he should have told us that if we needed to stop to just say so and he would. The fact is, I told him to stop and he laughed and did it again.
He told me that he'd do the emotional release on me yesterday which I in fact was curious and was ready to do. He put it off several times, first, in a few minutes, then at lunch, then after dinner-- last night at the dinner break, his SO's birthday, he told me he'd work on me this morning before the test. We made eye contact a few times and he'd walk away. What gives? Is he that catty? Why couldn't he have just stopped when I told him to stop? After he grabbed my face on Thursday night and he agreed to never ever do it again, I trusted him! Why was I wrong for freaking out? I am the student-- he is the teacher. Shouldn't he have control? He hurt me-- whether anyone agrees or not, he did hurt me, and I was scared of bodily harm. At first when I said stop, I wanted to just sit back down. When he wouldn't let go of me, I just had to get out. He was not my massage teacher then-- he was something to get the f--- away from.
This is so stupid. I am going over this like it was a car accident! It took just a few seconds and I am ridiculously upset! The thing is, it feels like it was a car accident! There was damage-- and I alone have to work it though. Couldn't he have planned for a bad reaction and made sure that I wouldn't be so freaked that I'd run?
The test lasted two hours-- I worked on my former :( yoga teachers' assistant who owns a cute puppy. Basically, the technique only mattered in how I helped my client. We all passed.
The assistant and I spoke a bit-- she just knew that I reacted badly and I don't know if she was really sympathetic. She says that my teacher for yoga is distancing herself from her massage therapists because they are really-- they sound catty.
I got a massage table out of the deal-- that is great! And some awesome books. I just wish I still had my yoga teacher as a friend (we weren't shopping partners, but I thought of her as a friend and had she ever called me in the middle of the night, I'd have been there for her, but she didn't feel like that for me and it's OK) and that I'd have been friendly with my massage teacher.
Is his "emotional release" a fraud and he knows that since I can't worship him that I would see through it? How do I approach a massage therapist and explain that I have had trauma but that it was caused by this alleged god? If I had a problem with this demigod, I must be terrible.
I'll shake this off. I have to put it behind me. It was traumatic-- what gets to me is that it affected me like it did.
He is to come back here in December but he didn't tell me that he hoped to see me. My investment is down the tubes.
I was freaked out about what I owed, but I was looking forward to paying it and loving the class. May I pay him off quick and may it bring him black fruit if I am truly wronged. While he patronized me in saying how sad he was for what happened, he has already forgotten this and lost no sleep. He will grab the nose of the wrong person. His position as a top massage school person will get knocked down and it will happen from situations like this.
In class he would speak of how students were mad at him for something and that they'd later say that he, the wise master, was right over. I don't know how I can ever think that this is right unless I tell my children about it and explain how people close to us can harm us and why we need boundaries.
My husband said that he was arrogant and self serving and that he is begging to be shot down. It sounds as if he may have been shot at and he likes proving himself for the time being and that this almost gets into an addictive habit. He likes accolades from his acolytes and this frustrates me-- I am not an acolyte or a sheep or someone to follow him or anyone else. I suppose I should thank him for sending me into a bout of fear so at least I know what that is.
Now I need to think about whether or not I want to plead my situation with him and finish school with him or forget about this. I keep thinking, "Only I could pull this crap out of a man revered for his gentleness." WTF? Maybe he is not as gentle as he thinks he is. "The emperor has no clothes!"
This is an excellent article on emotional release. It really seems to emphasize that you need psychological training for it-- certainly it's not for newly minted massage therapists!
Isn't this abuse? This was my vacation-- my time for me. Did he choose to pull the extreme on me because I was the lone sheep in the group? What didn't he just respect my space and let me keep getting the good things that everyone else got? I was the one who asked him to come to Alaska this second time-- I couldn't wait to meet him. So much for his love of all mankind.
I should have listened to my husband when I wanted to do this. He was right. He was so damned right-- about people who do massage and about the profession.
Friday, June 20, 2008
Please shoot me the next time I have any bright ideas.
EDITED AT THE END
I can't understand this. I just wanted to learn to be an awesome massage therapist and be a professional masseuse. It's an excellent way to make some money and since my husband has health insurance I don't need extra coverage. Besides-- massage feels great!
That was not to be.
Last night Mike assured me that he'd not do it again. It's embarrassing to admit that he grabbed my nose-- it almost seems funny in a way, but it wasn't. I don't like anyone in my face and I don't think that I am alone in this. My husband and my husband alone as access to my face. I've birthed nine times and I've had a lot of hands up my vagina, every year I get an invasive yearly-- but my face is my own.
This morning, our hero pulled it again. We sat and he wanted to do something on me so I sat and he grabbed my f---ing nose again! Why on Earth is that good for me? I slapped him. He laughed and did it again and I got up and he grabbed my arm and wouldn't let me go until I told him that what he was doing was against the law. I was reacting, but it wasn't the emotional release that he thought he was getting-- it was me saying (which I said,) "Knock it off. I did not give you permission to do this, this is my body and I want to learn to give a massage."
This was not "emotional release"-- it was provocation. Personal space invasion.
I left and Mike followed me for a ways and he was like, "Come back and I will teach you how to help lots and lots of people!"
(Who do I look like? Florence Nightengale? Yes, I wanted to help the world, but not now.)
I told him to keep his California BS out of Alaska, that this is Alaska and we call it provocation. I had told him no, my no meant no and he violated my trust. He said he'd walk with me and I told him that if I wanted to be around someone that I didn't trust that I'd have stayed and to leave me alone. He told me to please stay, that I'd be a great massage therapist-- oh please-please-please. He wanted an example to the class! "Come back! I will teach you to get sued!" He asked me for just a half hour of putting up with his garbage and I knew that if I went back I'd be beaten down.
F--- that! If I need to have boundaries violated, I'll invite my ex husband and his clan to dinner!
My lawyer was getting ready for his daughter's wedding tomorrow but he was there for me. He met me at his office and he was cute, "Well it sounds like you got some emotional release!" It did feel good-- but I wish I'd not. I had been kicking myself for not reacting last night so at least my reflexes work. We talked for a bit. He asked me if I wanted to go back and I said no-- I couldn't. I didn't like how he used me as an example without my permission, he lied to me, and I didn't trust him to not pull that nonsense again.
I did walk to the police station and fill out forms next. The police would go see him and my loving classmates would say that he meant nothing bad so of course Mike was just fine and he apologized to the police officer and told him to tell me that I was welcome to come back. It was Mike showing how nice he was-- not Mike being genuine. The police could do nothing but there is a paper trail on this jerk. The officer understood how I felt but he couldn't arrest him because of the DA. Will he think twice? I doubt it.
I owe him f*cking $2,000. My lawyer wants me to request what I paid back. Hmph. Mike isn't THAT nice. My husband went down to talk to him like my lawyer said. Nothing will happen, except maybe he will justify himself more.
There is such a huge level of trust in massage and this was just wrong. One of the things that we are supposed to do as massage therapists is to get the trust of the client and respect that. We are not psychologists doing interventions. We are massage therapists creating a safe environment for clients to come in and get touched. I don't know if I will ever be able to even get a massage again. Clients need before any pop psychology to feel safe. I have lost a friend who owns the studio because I had to stand up for myself. What he did and the pushing that he did violates everything about female safety that Georgia taught us. Why couldn't my no have just meant, "no"?
I am really sad because I just wanted to take a fun class. My husband took off a week of work so I could learn. My husband consoled my tears, and he insists that it's not my fault-- but what the extra money will do to us makes me so sad, because he will have to take on a second job to pay for it. I was not doing anything wrong down there and I did not ask to be treated like that! Why did he single me out?
Before it happened, I feel like he'd decided to try it on me. In class this morning he was talking about how he did things that hurt clients but that it was good for them. He spoke of how he did things that hurt people but how they would react badly and come back later and thank him-- oooh! Is someone full of himself?
Alaska wants to get a 500 hour massage training. Screw that. Make it that only poeple with psychology degrees can do that and then they will be able to provide staged interventions, because Mike went outside his boundaries as a massage teacher and tread in areas where he was not welcome.
~~~~
The thing is, not everyone is like this guy and you know what? No one cares if I don't go back. I'm just silly. Most people get their friends to join them in things like this and I really need to do this with someone, but there are few people who I like seeing so much that I could stand a 10 day massage class or a weekly study. I was omega sheep, alone, young looking and seemingly helpless and not likely to react. Mike was a wolf. I will never go out again and do anything like this.
~~~~
I went in-- what a stupid thing! Mike was apologizing of course in front of everyone. He used the same apology he did last night when I told him that it was wrong! I started getting weepy and had to go to the bathroom a few times. The women in that class are the daughters of pigs-- they had told the police that he'd not intended to hurt me. I don't want them touching me. I will massage tomorrow but I do not want massages from them.
He wasn't refunding any money and I am sad. I can't handle being with that man at all.
A week from now this will have passed. I need to pay the bill and get over this.
I wish that Alaska let me get my hours from different schools.
I can't understand this. I just wanted to learn to be an awesome massage therapist and be a professional masseuse. It's an excellent way to make some money and since my husband has health insurance I don't need extra coverage. Besides-- massage feels great!
That was not to be.
Last night Mike assured me that he'd not do it again. It's embarrassing to admit that he grabbed my nose-- it almost seems funny in a way, but it wasn't. I don't like anyone in my face and I don't think that I am alone in this. My husband and my husband alone as access to my face. I've birthed nine times and I've had a lot of hands up my vagina, every year I get an invasive yearly-- but my face is my own.
This morning, our hero pulled it again. We sat and he wanted to do something on me so I sat and he grabbed my f---ing nose again! Why on Earth is that good for me? I slapped him. He laughed and did it again and I got up and he grabbed my arm and wouldn't let me go until I told him that what he was doing was against the law. I was reacting, but it wasn't the emotional release that he thought he was getting-- it was me saying (which I said,) "Knock it off. I did not give you permission to do this, this is my body and I want to learn to give a massage."
This was not "emotional release"-- it was provocation. Personal space invasion.
I left and Mike followed me for a ways and he was like, "Come back and I will teach you how to help lots and lots of people!"
(Who do I look like? Florence Nightengale? Yes, I wanted to help the world, but not now.)
I told him to keep his California BS out of Alaska, that this is Alaska and we call it provocation. I had told him no, my no meant no and he violated my trust. He said he'd walk with me and I told him that if I wanted to be around someone that I didn't trust that I'd have stayed and to leave me alone. He told me to please stay, that I'd be a great massage therapist-- oh please-please-please. He wanted an example to the class! "Come back! I will teach you to get sued!" He asked me for just a half hour of putting up with his garbage and I knew that if I went back I'd be beaten down.
F--- that! If I need to have boundaries violated, I'll invite my ex husband and his clan to dinner!
My lawyer was getting ready for his daughter's wedding tomorrow but he was there for me. He met me at his office and he was cute, "Well it sounds like you got some emotional release!" It did feel good-- but I wish I'd not. I had been kicking myself for not reacting last night so at least my reflexes work. We talked for a bit. He asked me if I wanted to go back and I said no-- I couldn't. I didn't like how he used me as an example without my permission, he lied to me, and I didn't trust him to not pull that nonsense again.
I did walk to the police station and fill out forms next. The police would go see him and my loving classmates would say that he meant nothing bad so of course Mike was just fine and he apologized to the police officer and told him to tell me that I was welcome to come back. It was Mike showing how nice he was-- not Mike being genuine. The police could do nothing but there is a paper trail on this jerk. The officer understood how I felt but he couldn't arrest him because of the DA. Will he think twice? I doubt it.
I owe him f*cking $2,000. My lawyer wants me to request what I paid back. Hmph. Mike isn't THAT nice. My husband went down to talk to him like my lawyer said. Nothing will happen, except maybe he will justify himself more.
There is such a huge level of trust in massage and this was just wrong. One of the things that we are supposed to do as massage therapists is to get the trust of the client and respect that. We are not psychologists doing interventions. We are massage therapists creating a safe environment for clients to come in and get touched. I don't know if I will ever be able to even get a massage again. Clients need before any pop psychology to feel safe. I have lost a friend who owns the studio because I had to stand up for myself. What he did and the pushing that he did violates everything about female safety that Georgia taught us. Why couldn't my no have just meant, "no"?
I am really sad because I just wanted to take a fun class. My husband took off a week of work so I could learn. My husband consoled my tears, and he insists that it's not my fault-- but what the extra money will do to us makes me so sad, because he will have to take on a second job to pay for it. I was not doing anything wrong down there and I did not ask to be treated like that! Why did he single me out?
Before it happened, I feel like he'd decided to try it on me. In class this morning he was talking about how he did things that hurt clients but that it was good for them. He spoke of how he did things that hurt people but how they would react badly and come back later and thank him-- oooh! Is someone full of himself?
Alaska wants to get a 500 hour massage training. Screw that. Make it that only poeple with psychology degrees can do that and then they will be able to provide staged interventions, because Mike went outside his boundaries as a massage teacher and tread in areas where he was not welcome.
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The thing is, not everyone is like this guy and you know what? No one cares if I don't go back. I'm just silly. Most people get their friends to join them in things like this and I really need to do this with someone, but there are few people who I like seeing so much that I could stand a 10 day massage class or a weekly study. I was omega sheep, alone, young looking and seemingly helpless and not likely to react. Mike was a wolf. I will never go out again and do anything like this.
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I went in-- what a stupid thing! Mike was apologizing of course in front of everyone. He used the same apology he did last night when I told him that it was wrong! I started getting weepy and had to go to the bathroom a few times. The women in that class are the daughters of pigs-- they had told the police that he'd not intended to hurt me. I don't want them touching me. I will massage tomorrow but I do not want massages from them.
He wasn't refunding any money and I am sad. I can't handle being with that man at all.
A week from now this will have passed. I need to pay the bill and get over this.
I wish that Alaska let me get my hours from different schools.
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