Amusing Situation with My Massage Teacher

You may remember what happened with my massage teacher. On the 19th he grabbed my nose in anger because I wasn't getting a routine and told me to listen to him. I said nothing at the time, had dinner with my husband, called a lawyer friend and spoke to that massage teacher, referred to as Mike in my blog but really called Thomas, and told him that in The Last Frontier what he did was considered assault and to never do that to me or anyone else again. He said that it was a learning technique that he used on students but said he'd not do it again to me. The next morning, in a non massage related technique called "Emotional Release" he did it again-- but in front of the class. I bitch slapped him and said he was done and that I'd sit down. The Tucker laughed and did it again. I gathered my stuff and left. I filed a report.

I went back only because my husband insisted and thought we could work something out with the Alaskan massage certification board. (It was a weekend. I had no one to call.)

When I was camping a few weeks ago, he called my husband's cell phone. He seemed nervous, would I please call him back. I sent him a nasty email and he responded that he'd been summoned to appear in court up here! LOL I said I'd check on it (when I had time and I have none and didn't plan to call him.) I didn't bother. It was out of my hands because assault is a felony up here and if the DA wanted to take it on, there was nothing I could do.

I recieved a letter from the DA's office saying that the case had been dropped but that the complaint was still on file and that there was an official record of it. Meanwhile, he sent me another note asking if I'd done anything about looking into it and I, knowing that it was closed, said nothing of it but mentioned that had he not yanked my nose THREE TIMES that he'd not be in his situation. By now he has gotten the letter, but it will either serve to make him think twice before he tries it again or serve to establish a pattern of behavior when someone else complains.

He hurt me, but it wasn't that he hurt me so much as that what he did was demeaning and that I'd told him not to. The guy was a flirt and works with young women as well as older ones like me and even older-- but he really has boundary issues. At no point did I give up my autonomy. What he did was almost eerie because the first time he did it, he appologized and sounded like an abusive boyfriend assuring me that he'd never do it again. The 2nd/3rd time he did it, his appology was the same, but he said that no one would care if I reported him and said that any publicity that I created would be good for his school. The guy is an MD by training and I can't help but wonder about him.

I finished it

My husband is proud of me but the past few days have been hard. My nose hurts-- it's a one on a scale of one to ten, but it hurts. My teacher has strong hands.

I feel so sad and so angry!

Why didn't he handle this better? I am not wrong for feeling like I was being attacked and running. I had to go back and deal with him and I didn't want to. He is catty! First he rambled about cranial sacral massage and how great it was when I went back-- he did everyone but me. Of course I'd filed a report on him, but I felt assaulted. One of the benefits of the class was that he worked on all of us. Why didn't he say to me that he would work on me BUT that if I felt he was doing anything wrong to say, "Stop." and he'd stop? I asked him in private if he'd work on me and he said no-- did his no empower him? I respected his no, why couldn't he have respected mine?

As the class kept going even to this morning, he was working on others and he'd take sly glances at me and raise an eyebrow. In effect it was, "See what the other girls get that I won't give you because you felt assaulted?" Well, a massage is different from flying at my face! He had said that he'd work on me for my scoliosis-- he never did.

He put me into defense mode-- I have never felt so scared as I did in those less-than-20-seconds that he was grabbing my nose, laughing, then grabbing it again. Why wasn't anyone standing up for me and saying, "Time out! She needs you to stop!" Before he did the exercise he should have told us that if we needed to stop to just say so and he would. The fact is, I told him to stop and he laughed and did it again.

He told me that he'd do the emotional release on me yesterday which I in fact was curious and was ready to do. He put it off several times, first, in a few minutes, then at lunch, then after dinner-- last night at the dinner break, his SO's birthday, he told me he'd work on me this morning before the test. We made eye contact a few times and he'd walk away. What gives? Is he that catty? Why couldn't he have just stopped when I told him to stop? After he grabbed my face on Thursday night and he agreed to never ever do it again, I trusted him! Why was I wrong for freaking out? I am the student-- he is the teacher. Shouldn't he have control? He hurt me-- whether anyone agrees or not, he did hurt me, and I was scared of bodily harm. At first when I said stop, I wanted to just sit back down. When he wouldn't let go of me, I just had to get out. He was not my massage teacher then-- he was something to get the f--- away from.

This is so stupid. I am going over this like it was a car accident! It took just a few seconds and I am ridiculously upset! The thing is, it feels like it was a car accident! There was damage-- and I alone have to work it though. Couldn't he have planned for a bad reaction and made sure that I wouldn't be so freaked that I'd run?

The test lasted two hours-- I worked on my former :( yoga teachers' assistant who owns a cute puppy. Basically, the technique only mattered in how I helped my client. We all passed.

The assistant and I spoke a bit-- she just knew that I reacted badly and I don't know if she was really sympathetic. She says that my teacher for yoga is distancing herself from her massage therapists because they are really-- they sound catty.

I got a massage table out of the deal-- that is great! And some awesome books. I just wish I still had my yoga teacher as a friend (we weren't shopping partners, but I thought of her as a friend and had she ever called me in the middle of the night, I'd have been there for her, but she didn't feel like that for me and it's OK) and that I'd have been friendly with my massage teacher.

Is his "emotional release" a fraud and he knows that since I can't worship him that I would see through it? How do I approach a massage therapist and explain that I have had trauma but that it was caused by this alleged god? If I had a problem with this demigod, I must be terrible.

I'll shake this off. I have to put it behind me. It was traumatic-- what gets to me is that it affected me like it did.

He is to come back here in December but he didn't tell me that he hoped to see me. My investment is down the tubes.

I was freaked out about what I owed, but I was looking forward to paying it and loving the class. May I pay him off quick and may it bring him black fruit if I am truly wronged. While he patronized me in saying how sad he was for what happened, he has already forgotten this and lost no sleep. He will grab the nose of the wrong person. His position as a top massage school person will get knocked down and it will happen from situations like this.

In class he would speak of how students were mad at him for something and that they'd later say that he, the wise master, was right over. I don't know how I can ever think that this is right unless I tell my children about it and explain how people close to us can harm us and why we need boundaries.

My husband said that he was arrogant and self serving and that he is begging to be shot down. It sounds as if he may have been shot at and he likes proving himself for the time being and that this almost gets into an addictive habit. He likes accolades from his acolytes and this frustrates me-- I am not an acolyte or a sheep or someone to follow him or anyone else. I suppose I should thank him for sending me into a bout of fear so at least I know what that is.

Now I need to think about whether or not I want to plead my situation with him and finish school with him or forget about this. I keep thinking, "Only I could pull this crap out of a man revered for his gentleness." WTF? Maybe he is not as gentle as he thinks he is. "The emperor has no clothes!"

This is an excellent article on emotional release. It really seems to emphasize that you need psychological training for it-- certainly it's not for newly minted massage therapists!

Isn't this abuse? This was my vacation-- my time for me. Did he choose to pull the extreme on me because I was the lone sheep in the group? What didn't he just respect my space and let me keep getting the good things that everyone else got? I was the one who asked him to come to Alaska this second time-- I couldn't wait to meet him. So much for his love of all mankind.

I should have listened to my husband when I wanted to do this. He was right. He was so damned right-- about people who do massage and about the profession.