I just dropped all of my human services classes. I am so ticked right now. I was in 300 and 400 level classes and they were like group therapy for the people with much decorated histories who were taking the class. Did I really need to hear about some woman's foster daughter who was suffered from RAD, ODD, ADHD and a collection of other terrible acronyms and how the present system was or wasn't helping her?
I will probably switch to English. I have maxed out on all possible electives-- I have so many, but I didn't know what I wanted. I have no idea what I have just done to myself. I signed up for math (the only thing that is lacking for a general studies degree-- and stats, I need stats, from Excelsior in New York) and I am in 054. I can't believe I did this.
I am close to an English degree. I like English and while it's not useful, neither is human services. The thought that I will make the money to pay back the loans is insane. I have no idea how I will do this but today I had a sickening feeling about going to class, like I'd get sick. Maybe it's a touch of the flu-- my husband feels it but I think it's the subject.
I signed up for the magazine article writing class, a math class and a linguistics class through a sister college. I take Russian out here. I will also be taking a narrative writing class in town that is five weeks long. (One credit.) I am so frazzled. I can't believe I dropped yet another major.
Friday, August 31, 2007
I f***ing hate my major. I love Russian-- my teacher is awesome and while she chewed me up one side and down the other for being late, she is a ball of fire and I am in a class of science and business majors. The class is high energy and I love being there. "Fine! I didn't want to miss any anyway!" The prof laughed, "Well FINE back! See if I care if you are not late!"
She gave me a Russian name today-- it's the same as one of my children. She was delighted that most of my children have Russian names. This prof is so sleek-- I love how she dresses and carries herself. I want to be just like her when I grow up.
My major classes are where we do group therapy for fragile classmates or those whose lives are so hard that they need to vent. 300, 400 level classes. Goody! I cannot stand them and tomorrow we get more of the same in a class where we play Pretend. "If I were a counselor/person in this situation and this was happening, this is how I'd handle it."
My next door neighbor is in one of the classes. I don't think she is very intelligent. It bothers me that she is going for my major. She asked if I was happy to get my kidz back in school. WTF? What kind of a question is that to ask someone? I clarified once I made her tell me who she was (hint: I do not like you) and I said that I like my children and would not have them to only look forward to sending them away!
A lady in Russian has me degree and wants four years of her life back. I told her I wasn't crazy about the degree and asked what she thought and she said, "You will spend all of your time in your upper division classes listening to people talk about their personal problems, max out your pay in three years after graduation, have a harder time getting in to a master's program because it's not quite psychology and not really social work. . ." The last thing that I want is to change majors again. I changed them so many times years before. I really truly hate this one though. I don't care if I have to do the math-- I need it anyway, but the only reason I had problems before was because every time I had a math class, the kids would get sick and I was a single mother. I flunked out of an extremely low math class because I was overwhelmed when I was out of school for three weeks with my daughters taking turns with the chicken chops. (Chicken pox.)
I need to see an adviser in the morning. It will be crowded. Tomorrow is the last day to drop classes.
She gave me a Russian name today-- it's the same as one of my children. She was delighted that most of my children have Russian names. This prof is so sleek-- I love how she dresses and carries herself. I want to be just like her when I grow up.
My major classes are where we do group therapy for fragile classmates or those whose lives are so hard that they need to vent. 300, 400 level classes. Goody! I cannot stand them and tomorrow we get more of the same in a class where we play Pretend. "If I were a counselor/person in this situation and this was happening, this is how I'd handle it."
My next door neighbor is in one of the classes. I don't think she is very intelligent. It bothers me that she is going for my major. She asked if I was happy to get my kidz back in school. WTF? What kind of a question is that to ask someone? I clarified once I made her tell me who she was (hint: I do not like you) and I said that I like my children and would not have them to only look forward to sending them away!
A lady in Russian has me degree and wants four years of her life back. I told her I wasn't crazy about the degree and asked what she thought and she said, "You will spend all of your time in your upper division classes listening to people talk about their personal problems, max out your pay in three years after graduation, have a harder time getting in to a master's program because it's not quite psychology and not really social work. . ." The last thing that I want is to change majors again. I changed them so many times years before. I really truly hate this one though. I don't care if I have to do the math-- I need it anyway, but the only reason I had problems before was because every time I had a math class, the kids would get sick and I was a single mother. I flunked out of an extremely low math class because I was overwhelmed when I was out of school for three weeks with my daughters taking turns with the chicken chops. (Chicken pox.)
I need to see an adviser in the morning. It will be crowded. Tomorrow is the last day to drop classes.
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
School has resumed. I am thinking that for my custom made Romantasy corset that I need to have the Wonder Woman design put on it instead of whatever I decide upon. WTF was I thinking? Yoga teacher training. 15 college credits. Homeschooling. I am f'ing insane. Pulling it off though will be a great thing. If I can just stay on top of it.
Sunday, August 26, 2007
Yesterday Mr. Coffee and I took the kids to the edge of a rain forest. For us it was our summer excursion. $110 in my suburban and $70 for dinner on the cheap (pizza.) We hiked 2.5 miles in and 2.5 miles out. It was so much fun-- I just wish I could have had the money to pay for a hotel room and we could have stayed over night.
We went to the place that my mother would have taken Sunshine. It's here
There is no place quite like it. It is in Girdwood, Alaska and you hike about a half mile in and suddenly the trees go from "lots of scraggly" to "few and wide." Plants have wide leaves that took almost prehistoric. There were berries all over the place that we would stop and eat. Some places were muddy and we had to carry the stroller. At the end we took a hand tram over a gorge. My vertigo had me panicking and laughing at the same time-- I loved the view but I felt like I was physically bouncing. On the way back the older kids took the stroller and Mr. Coffee put little Queen CuppaTea on his shoulders and walked the whole distance back. She sat up straight looking around and smiling-- she knew she was special and gave a queenly wave to everyone passing us.
We got home at 1:30, exhausted but we talked the whole trip home about everything we saw from white mushrooms to squirrels in the trees.
I could do that every weekend-- this is the best time of year in Alaska.
We went to the place that my mother would have taken Sunshine. It's here
There is no place quite like it. It is in Girdwood, Alaska and you hike about a half mile in and suddenly the trees go from "lots of scraggly" to "few and wide." Plants have wide leaves that took almost prehistoric. There were berries all over the place that we would stop and eat. Some places were muddy and we had to carry the stroller. At the end we took a hand tram over a gorge. My vertigo had me panicking and laughing at the same time-- I loved the view but I felt like I was physically bouncing. On the way back the older kids took the stroller and Mr. Coffee put little Queen CuppaTea on his shoulders and walked the whole distance back. She sat up straight looking around and smiling-- she knew she was special and gave a queenly wave to everyone passing us.
We got home at 1:30, exhausted but we talked the whole trip home about everything we saw from white mushrooms to squirrels in the trees.
I could do that every weekend-- this is the best time of year in Alaska.
Friday, August 24, 2007
We survived the eye appointment, but I had to cancel one of them because we didn't have both car seats in the car so Sunshine had to stay back with CuppaTea, the two year old. (I love inventing new names for my children as I write!)
Flash, the precocious eight year old has a bump on his retina and he never felt any problems with it, but the doctor was surprised by it's size. He'll see a specialist in a few weeks. No worries except how they have to remove it-- with an injection of steroids to the bump. He kept saying how I need to not miss the appointment and I was like, "Look, I am not into drama but could you elucidate on this? Should I call my prayer group at church?" He said definitely. I was thinking, "Cancer, my man could have cancer, good thing we come in every year. Chances of survival just went up if he has it because we've seen it." He said, "The shot won't be fun." (My son was out of the room.) I asked what religion he was and he said American Evangelical. His shadower that day was Mormon and I am Orthodox Christian. I joked with the shadower, "Dude, Evangelicals call their prayer group about hang nails!" We all laughed. Prayer group and bump on the back of the eye in the same sentence made me brace myself. Too funny.
Now this bump hasn't bugged my son at all but it must be fast growing because he had just seen the doctor last year at this time and the doctor saw nothing. He also needs glasses. I got a call from the school nurse, "Flash is crying about a bump on his eye? He also says he can't see so I gave him some Ibuprofen and want to let you know." Argh. The nurse was great as I told her that knowing for Flash creates 90% of the problem. I told her all the details and she laughed.
Several weeks ago Sunshine saw the dentist and he told me in front of her that she may need braces when she is 14. She got on my cell phone and called her sister, "The dentist says I need braces right away."
Mother Nature is nicer than my mother this week. All the trees and plants are starting to change color. The red in the trees and weeds is very striking. Berries are ready to be picked-- it is the best time of the year outside. The mushrooms are cooperating and coming up and let me pick them and paint them-- they are pretty.
Flies have come indoors-- Peaches runs around the house with a fly strip and gets them. I need to call her Froggy.
Tiger is making me laugh. Her guy friend is going to pharmacology school and he liked her and she liked him for years but the didn't date as he had a girl friend. Now they really dig each other but are staying friends and not dating as he has just left for college-- although they did date briefly. Very good choice. She told me about some of her spontaneous things she has done with him and while this is probably a transitory relationship for both of them, she has burned herself into his mind. She is funny and sweet and she will appear in his mind not infrequently. /what can I say? She is an artist like her mother and not afraid to be a little weird and fun at the same time.
At her age I felt pushed out of the house with no options other than marriage to the biggest dork I could find. (My ex spoke stilted English when he tried to sound sincere: "I prayed for a young lady. I try to be a gen'leman all the time." WTF. I thought that he loved me because he said I was pretty! I'd tire of him and get away only to have him throw himself at the alter of our Protestant church begging God to make me want him again. Others would come to me, "Tea! He LOVES you." Love is not obsession.
My parents had money but didn't want to spend it on me. I still needed to get out because they were just done with me. They told me I'd kill someone if I drove, my passion was languages but they said they'd not bail me out if I went overseas-- I think they just wanted me to have a boring existence and fade into nothingness. I had to get out and while my ex was and is a dork, I feel badly as he was my way out. At the time I was just confused.
Tiger is confident. She knows I have nothing but she still loves to come see us and feels loved. She doesn't need to latch on to anyone to feel safe. I am undoing what my parents did to me by doing right with my own kids.
Flash, the precocious eight year old has a bump on his retina and he never felt any problems with it, but the doctor was surprised by it's size. He'll see a specialist in a few weeks. No worries except how they have to remove it-- with an injection of steroids to the bump. He kept saying how I need to not miss the appointment and I was like, "Look, I am not into drama but could you elucidate on this? Should I call my prayer group at church?" He said definitely. I was thinking, "Cancer, my man could have cancer, good thing we come in every year. Chances of survival just went up if he has it because we've seen it." He said, "The shot won't be fun." (My son was out of the room.) I asked what religion he was and he said American Evangelical. His shadower that day was Mormon and I am Orthodox Christian. I joked with the shadower, "Dude, Evangelicals call their prayer group about hang nails!" We all laughed. Prayer group and bump on the back of the eye in the same sentence made me brace myself. Too funny.
Now this bump hasn't bugged my son at all but it must be fast growing because he had just seen the doctor last year at this time and the doctor saw nothing. He also needs glasses. I got a call from the school nurse, "Flash is crying about a bump on his eye? He also says he can't see so I gave him some Ibuprofen and want to let you know." Argh. The nurse was great as I told her that knowing for Flash creates 90% of the problem. I told her all the details and she laughed.
Several weeks ago Sunshine saw the dentist and he told me in front of her that she may need braces when she is 14. She got on my cell phone and called her sister, "The dentist says I need braces right away."
Mother Nature is nicer than my mother this week. All the trees and plants are starting to change color. The red in the trees and weeds is very striking. Berries are ready to be picked-- it is the best time of the year outside. The mushrooms are cooperating and coming up and let me pick them and paint them-- they are pretty.
Flies have come indoors-- Peaches runs around the house with a fly strip and gets them. I need to call her Froggy.
Tiger is making me laugh. Her guy friend is going to pharmacology school and he liked her and she liked him for years but the didn't date as he had a girl friend. Now they really dig each other but are staying friends and not dating as he has just left for college-- although they did date briefly. Very good choice. She told me about some of her spontaneous things she has done with him and while this is probably a transitory relationship for both of them, she has burned herself into his mind. She is funny and sweet and she will appear in his mind not infrequently. /what can I say? She is an artist like her mother and not afraid to be a little weird and fun at the same time.
At her age I felt pushed out of the house with no options other than marriage to the biggest dork I could find. (My ex spoke stilted English when he tried to sound sincere: "I prayed for a young lady. I try to be a gen'leman all the time." WTF. I thought that he loved me because he said I was pretty! I'd tire of him and get away only to have him throw himself at the alter of our Protestant church begging God to make me want him again. Others would come to me, "Tea! He LOVES you." Love is not obsession.
My parents had money but didn't want to spend it on me. I still needed to get out because they were just done with me. They told me I'd kill someone if I drove, my passion was languages but they said they'd not bail me out if I went overseas-- I think they just wanted me to have a boring existence and fade into nothingness. I had to get out and while my ex was and is a dork, I feel badly as he was my way out. At the time I was just confused.
Tiger is confident. She knows I have nothing but she still loves to come see us and feels loved. She doesn't need to latch on to anyone to feel safe. I am undoing what my parents did to me by doing right with my own kids.
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