Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Building a house

I been showing signs of PTSD. Nothing bad, but I feel like a study for psych students of minor PTSD symptoms.

So I wanted to just buy a house that already existed. The first one was a friends' house, but it was $100,000 more than we could afford. As time went on, I became more interested in smaller houses. Oh, it wouldn't be hard to add on! Finally a real estate agent told me that if I could get a loan to either buy or build a bigger house, that with four kids rappidly becoming adults, that I'd be nuts to not either buy or build what we need or at least get something bigger if we could afford it. Adding on is OK if you are stuck with something. We are not. I didn't know why I took a shower and cried for 45 minutes after she told me that.

It took a couple more weeks, but I realized that me wanting a house that was too small was me wanting to go back to what I knew. It was upsetting to realize that in some way, I was reaching backward to grab what I knew.

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