The Mundane

I think that my life is mundane, but it is these common things that matter.

My landlord ordered a new stove for me. Thankfully, it is not from Sears. Sears takes their own sweet time in refunding you on orders that they cancel, and then they decide that instead of refunding you via credit card as they said they would, that they will mail you a check to be brought up by a comatose snail. It was mailed on the 20th... it should be here by now because I get things from all over the country in two or three days. I still don't have a portable dishwasher and it has been one month.

I don't know what is up with the stoves in my life. The one that I had had at my house had a burner knob that had come off (this happens with appliances that are more than 10 years old) and we had plans to replace the whole thing this PFD time. The one here had missing buttons. The neighbour who helps out the landlord said that the lady prior to the last tenant took off the buttons to clean it and accidentally threw them away. She said that I could use a computer game stylus to work it. I think the person who took of the buttons was the last tenant who was good friends with the lady who helps the landlord. I feel bad for the landlord because the stove was in otherwise decent shape and she doesn't need to spend extra $ on a house that she rents out. I really wish my house hadn't burned down and that I'd not lit that damned candle because I'd have just replaced my stove instead of having to rely on someone else for all these things. I liked where we were taking the house.

I hate that so many people who I don't know want to ask if we will rebuild the house to being bigger, always adding that our house was so small. It is annoying when people have looked at it after the fire and express with fluttering eyelashes how we could have fit the entire family in it. I am embarrassed over this and I wish they would shut up. Yes, we are making it bigger (I think we will be but that has to do with the banks) because it would be silly to not make it bigger. I don't like how it is happening and yes, we could have survived and the kids done well in life had we not expanded. I don't like that we may appear to be benefiting in any way from this. We are not really benefitting directly-- we are paying off one loan and using good credit to get a little more and entering another 20 year mortgage. I DO NOT reccommend that people light candles in their homes and hope that they will catch fire, like how a fire happened to us. We lost more than we will ever get back. I hate how people give me big smiles and say, "You get all new stuff!" I want to scream at them, "I LOST THINGS THAT I CAN NEVER REPLACE AND I WILL NEVER GET THE SMELL OF MY BURNING BELONGINGS OUT OF MY NOSE!" The things that I love most at this point are the things that people who I know have lovingly gifted to me. Retail therapy is overrated.

You take the good with the bad, but the good does not in anyway outweigh the bad in this case. I ran into a burning building to get my state ID because even in my crazy, irrational state of mind, I knew that getting a new ID from the DMV with no social security card or birth certificate would have been futile and rendered me non-existent for a period of time. I got injured and it hurts me to think that I could have died and been a body recovery for some firefighters and a dead mother to my kids, but it was worth it to have taken the risk, stupid as that may sound. I lost priceless photos of my children when they were still adorable and some evidence of something terrible that happened to someone. Yes-- I will enjoy a new kitchen (I get a new kitchen! woo-hoo!) and the new layout of the house, but it wasn't worth the loss. I did gain a couple of friendships out of this that I plan to treasure for the rest of my life-- bickering children in the past prevented at least one of them, and these friendships-- they may be what God intended and they make me smile when I think of them. Something that also makes it worthy for me is the help that has been offered in creative, imaginative ways from friends and friends of friends. I got a Lowes card. . . and a 10% off coupon for Lowes! One of my church friends bought everyone including my husband and I PJ's and toothbrushes and toothpaste. Another friend organized things. These are the things that helped me get through the first weeks. There was good and bad, but I have never wished nor would I ever wish this on anyone.

I will get past this, but if you ever know anyone who goes through this, let them bring up the bright side-- I am not walking around as a constant downer, needing a smile. This crap comes up when I am shopping or wandering around some place and it's like, "Oh! Tea-whose-house-burned-down." I am so diversified in my interests and before I met most of the people who say these things, we had things to talk about. Grrrrrr!

Two people that I don't know came up to me at the school today and asked if my family would like a Christmas basket. I politely declined, but I got a bad vibe from them for declining. I tell them that I appreciate them offering but that at this time we are doing all right, but to be sure to get the word out.

On a good note-- I still love my ultra short hair cut. I kid you not, it takes 20 pounds off my hips because it draws the attention up toward my face. It is more me than ever. I know you can't tell, but I am high energy and fun-- the long hair made me look like a spaniel. I kept having to resist the urge to point when I saw ducks in the Palmer Hay Flats. . . it interfered with my driving!