Friday, June 20, 2008

Please shoot me the next time I have any bright ideas.

EDITED AT THE END

I can't understand this. I just wanted to learn to be an awesome massage therapist and be a professional masseuse. It's an excellent way to make some money and since my husband has health insurance I don't need extra coverage. Besides-- massage feels great!

That was not to be.

Last night Mike assured me that he'd not do it again. It's embarrassing to admit that he grabbed my nose-- it almost seems funny in a way, but it wasn't. I don't like anyone in my face and I don't think that I am alone in this. My husband and my husband alone as access to my face. I've birthed nine times and I've had a lot of hands up my vagina, every year I get an invasive yearly-- but my face is my own.

This morning, our hero pulled it again. We sat and he wanted to do something on me so I sat and he grabbed my f---ing nose again! Why on Earth is that good for me? I slapped him. He laughed and did it again and I got up and he grabbed my arm and wouldn't let me go until I told him that what he was doing was against the law. I was reacting, but it wasn't the emotional release that he thought he was getting-- it was me saying (which I said,) "Knock it off. I did not give you permission to do this, this is my body and I want to learn to give a massage."

This was not "emotional release"-- it was provocation. Personal space invasion.

I left and Mike followed me for a ways and he was like, "Come back and I will teach you how to help lots and lots of people!"

(Who do I look like? Florence Nightengale? Yes, I wanted to help the world, but not now.)

I told him to keep his California BS out of Alaska, that this is Alaska and we call it provocation. I had told him no, my no meant no and he violated my trust. He said he'd walk with me and I told him that if I wanted to be around someone that I didn't trust that I'd have stayed and to leave me alone. He told me to please stay, that I'd be a great massage therapist-- oh please-please-please. He wanted an example to the class! "Come back! I will teach you to get sued!" He asked me for just a half hour of putting up with his garbage and I knew that if I went back I'd be beaten down.

F--- that! If I need to have boundaries violated, I'll invite my ex husband and his clan to dinner!

My lawyer was getting ready for his daughter's wedding tomorrow but he was there for me. He met me at his office and he was cute, "Well it sounds like you got some emotional release!" It did feel good-- but I wish I'd not. I had been kicking myself for not reacting last night so at least my reflexes work. We talked for a bit. He asked me if I wanted to go back and I said no-- I couldn't. I didn't like how he used me as an example without my permission, he lied to me, and I didn't trust him to not pull that nonsense again.

I did walk to the police station and fill out forms next. The police would go see him and my loving classmates would say that he meant nothing bad so of course Mike was just fine and he apologized to the police officer and told him to tell me that I was welcome to come back. It was Mike showing how nice he was-- not Mike being genuine. The police could do nothing but there is a paper trail on this jerk. The officer understood how I felt but he couldn't arrest him because of the DA. Will he think twice? I doubt it.

I owe him f*cking $2,000. My lawyer wants me to request what I paid back. Hmph. Mike isn't THAT nice. My husband went down to talk to him like my lawyer said. Nothing will happen, except maybe he will justify himself more.

There is such a huge level of trust in massage and this was just wrong. One of the things that we are supposed to do as massage therapists is to get the trust of the client and respect that. We are not psychologists doing interventions. We are massage therapists creating a safe environment for clients to come in and get touched. I don't know if I will ever be able to even get a massage again. Clients need before any pop psychology to feel safe. I have lost a friend who owns the studio because I had to stand up for myself. What he did and the pushing that he did violates everything about female safety that Georgia taught us. Why couldn't my no have just meant, "no"?

I am really sad because I just wanted to take a fun class. My husband took off a week of work so I could learn. My husband consoled my tears, and he insists that it's not my fault-- but what the extra money will do to us makes me so sad, because he will have to take on a second job to pay for it. I was not doing anything wrong down there and I did not ask to be treated like that! Why did he single me out?

Before it happened, I feel like he'd decided to try it on me. In class this morning he was talking about how he did things that hurt clients but that it was good for them. He spoke of how he did things that hurt people but how they would react badly and come back later and thank him-- oooh! Is someone full of himself?

Alaska wants to get a 500 hour massage training. Screw that. Make it that only poeple with psychology degrees can do that and then they will be able to provide staged interventions, because Mike went outside his boundaries as a massage teacher and tread in areas where he was not welcome.

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The thing is, not everyone is like this guy and you know what? No one cares if I don't go back. I'm just silly. Most people get their friends to join them in things like this and I really need to do this with someone, but there are few people who I like seeing so much that I could stand a 10 day massage class or a weekly study. I was omega sheep, alone, young looking and seemingly helpless and not likely to react. Mike was a wolf. I will never go out again and do anything like this.

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I went in-- what a stupid thing! Mike was apologizing of course in front of everyone. He used the same apology he did last night when I told him that it was wrong! I started getting weepy and had to go to the bathroom a few times. The women in that class are the daughters of pigs-- they had told the police that he'd not intended to hurt me. I don't want them touching me. I will massage tomorrow but I do not want massages from them.

He wasn't refunding any money and I am sad. I can't handle being with that man at all.

A week from now this will have passed. I need to pay the bill and get over this.

I wish that Alaska let me get my hours from different schools.

1 comment:

Emperor Ropi said...

Well, it doesn't sound fun and it is weird that 2 people from one country can have such a different way of thinking. I hope you can find a solution for it. It is weird how you think about your face though. I wouldn't say my face has been untouched since girls has touched it plus I am a goalie so balls too.