Mi vida loca
(Pam Tillis, Jess Leary)
If you're coming with me you need nerves of steel
Cause I take corners on two wheels
It's a never-ending circus ride
The faint of heart need not apply
Mi vida loca over and over
Destiny turns on a dime
I go where the wind blows
You can't tame a wild rose
Welcome to my crazy life
Today I needed to study for my Russian. I fucking need to study really, really, badly, capice?
My husband wants to do St. Nikolai's Day. I want to do St. Nikolai's Day. I thought it was tomorrow so I spent the morning shopping. We need other things but I found some bargains-- $3-5 shirts for my sons, some presents that I'd bought before for Western Christmas-- I was happy. We do my mother's presents and my husband's parents presents on Christmas Day. This year's gifts are not religious but hey, we are celebrating and that is the important thing.
I got home with live clams and fresh fish for the night before dinner. One of my daughters was sucking her thumb and said, "Oh, I looked at the calender and the day is Thursday." Thursday is the night we have two recitals, I have class, we are down to one car. . . and I have to get my husband from town LATE because tonight I'd missed most of the Russian class. I cannot miss more Russian.
I was comforting myself-- I am HOME. In MY HOUSE and HAPPY. I'd do some Russian this evening. We decided to have the seafood dinner and do St. Nikolai's Day early. Some friends from church would get some of the kids, one of my friends would take my boys to their recital and life would be OK, not ideal, but the kids understand the importance of me passing.
Then my phone rang.
My eldest is 45 minutes away with no car because my husband was going to help her buy one then his car went out and he can't get her around. She is in class and sick. Class gets out in an hour and a half. She has finals and needs to go to the store. We are having sh---y weather. She can't ask a classmate.
What to do-- I have to get her. I hate driving at night and my husband does not want to go out which is understandable as he will go back in at 5:AM tomorrow. With how things are going I think something bad will happen. A flat tire? A wreck? A police officer stopping me to tell me a light is out and I start to cry? I am not feeling good about going out but when do I feel good about going out? I need to help my daughter. My husband will play St. Nik tonight. I wrote the kids' names in Russian and he doesn't read Russian! They will open the presents and figure it out. I got my eldest at home a black t-shirt that says, "I wish I was Japanese" in bright red Japanese writing. Her teacher will laugh. Lots of Satsuma oranges for all of us.
Good news-- she isn't enamored with her degree. It wasn't right for her. She is a fire science major. She isn't a science person. She is a public relations person. I told her this but she had to discover it. "You know how you described sitting through another social work class and that you'd want to shoot yourself if you had to listen to another person talk about their bad childhood? That's how I'm feeling." I'll do anything to help her finish the semester.
Her boyfriend at another college wrote to me and he is coming back up-- that is nice. I like him. He's a little stupid as 19 year olds can be, but he has a good heart I think. I hope he joins us in the church-- his IQ will double ;) He's asking about getting the kids prezzies which I think is a sweet gesture on his part. My daughter sends him funny mail art. I told him in stream of conscious writing that I have a bizarre fear of putting stamps in the right hand corner of the envelope. I hope he knows I am quirky but not dangerous. I do like him.
Every time the mechanic calls my husband's car is costing more to fix. It was held together with bubble gum and a prayer. We pray before we drive. The mechanic said, "There is stuff that is cracked in here, breaking-- but considering that it has 250,000 miles on it, it's amazing that I only replaced the battery once on it. How'd you get it to last?"
I have to stop thinking I will be happy if things go as I want. I feel like I am being blown by the wind sometimes. Nine kids = 9 independent variables. Add cars, a lack of disposable income and a husband and a full time mother college student to the mix and it's amazing how we manage as well as we do. We do manage well. I am not close to breaking. I was sad for a bit (fifteen minutes)-- but we will flex. I'm flexible like bamboo. not a fir tree that snaps in the wind. If my kids rememebr anything I hopes it's that this stuff happens and how often I have laughed, (not my nutty giggle, "Everyone, do not move for the next hour. Just sit on the couch and do nothing but read.")
Think bamboo. Bamboo = pandas. I like pandas. . .