Sunday, July 29, 2007

We Went Out.

Joy of joys-- my husband took me out after he took my eldest shopping. We went to a nice lunch at the best restaurant in town (when you have a limited amount of cash on hand, you take advantage of the fact that lunch costs less) and then we drove out to a local mountain where there is a glacier. We saw some bright flowers from the side of the road and I got very upset when he'd not stop to look at them, so he drove back a mile and a half to appease me. We were glad we did-- I think he was happy, too-- we took pictures that I will download tomorrow. It looked like someone had transplanted them and they probably came from out of state. I also identified the flora that my classmate showed me on the hike. It was nicer to show him on the side of the road than on the steep slope of a hill.

He is taking the elder kids out to see Harry Potter now. He gets worn out when he comes home but I think he likes reconnecting-- everyone is happy to see him.

However-- he told me that he "knows" that I don't want to be with him but that I just want to get out of the house which makes me sad. Is his taking me out just to be gone for him?

He said that my training is schooling and not bringing in money and therefor doesn't count towards me improving our family's "lot." Isn't that just great? Is this what I starved myself from lunches for when we dated, trying to make myself appealing? This must be middle age. I have gotten to the point that I do not dress for him but for me, but I married him because he was interesting and fun. He has told me several times recently that women marry men to have a house and help and men marry to get help-- is he hinting at something? Is he just with me for the kids? I gush about my classes and the things I do but I am thinking that he is not happy anymore. The stress of kids and wife in college? We lack money and time.

Such is life.

My yoga teacher is trying for an RYT that I can do. She believes in my ability to do this, not because I am a natural talent (I am not) but because I love it and believe in it and combining it with my degree somehow. I have been fighting depression for years but I don't get depressed, I do yoga. No matter how blase things are with my husband, at least I am not getting fat and blue. I want to do massage as well as yoga and maybe do massage only eventually. Part time work pays well.

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