I auditioned this evening for a play. I bombed-- other women go to these things in pairs. I have no idea what I was thinking by going. I was wooden and stiff, like Pinocchio before he became a real person.
I got home and Darrin asked how I did. I started to rip myself apart and he held up his hand and said, "The kids are in the room."
I gushed about how proud of myself I was for just getting up there are trying my best. The kids wanted to hear how well I did. THAT was my great act of the night with me saying that I did well but that others were better and that I probably won't get the one female part. My husband said that I deserved dessert date and he took me to one of our nicer restaurants for burnt cream and coffee.
Why do I do this to myself? I have no friends who do this, I just woke up and said, "I think I'll try out for a play today!" I was insecure and wore a pretty dress and pearls and acted like I just got out of church. Everyone else was in jeans. I should have worn jeans. The others-- they showed up with friends. I didn't do poorly because I didn't have support-- I am capable of bombing on my own, thank you very much!
I know I won't get the part, yet I know that I will keep peeking at the web site to see who got the parts and will be sad (for 12 seconds) when I don't get it. The kids want to see it no matter what, and we will have to budget for it. My husband says that most of the time in life we do not get everything we want and that knowing how to lose is as important as knowing how to win. He's not prepping them for failure, but he is prepping them for life. He admires my tenacity in trying and genuinely means it when he says he is proud of me and this is why my kids are into as much as they can be even if they are not stars. He always tells them that the only failure is a failure to try-- and I demonstrate it terribly well.
I still wish that I was wildly successful and raising spoiled brats anyway.
Edited later: the director just posted pics of us at the auditions. I am taking every dress that I have and getting a picture of myself in it and looking at it. The outfit that I wore was terrible-- my eyes! My eyes! Of course Darrin wouldn't tell me how wrong it looked on me. ~sigh~