Sunday, August 12, 2007

A Change of Life

For several years I have been a member of a particular board. It's for yummy mummies. Moms with big families. They've been a huge support for me. As of late dh has been ticking me off. Before it had been a safe place to vent and not feel alone. Last night, a woman who I'd always regarded well posted on my thread about anyone being as into their husbands as she is-- and ended it with an emoticon, which tips me off to her being a bit passive aggressive. She didn't choose another
thread to gush, she chose mine. It was fine and I am happy for her. Would I be less annoyed if I was still a SAHM and not a busy, exhausted college student with little time to think and romance?

My husband is a great guy, but at times he is a giant dork and I need to be able to just complain and whine. I appreciated my sisters at the board telling me things their husbands did to upset them. No, it didn't feel good hearing it-- but just, "Hey, marriage isn't always great,
I feel the same way, this will pass!" made me feel better. I hiked during yoga training and fell behind. My teacher and another classmate are both world class hikers but were with me
as my legs burned and saying, "Mine feel the same way when I haven't been out in a few months. I don't take pain medication but I sure want it during that first hike! I just want to be knocked out!" They legitimize the hurt and by acknowledging it, you can go forward and past the hurt. Psychological frustration is the same way.

Anyway-- this woman's remarks just ticked me off. I got my name taken off the board as a host. So many women come to the board who are going to school with big families and don't stay. I wonder if they just feel out of it?

I got onto a board with pre-med/helping professions students. My having nine kids is less an issue there-- yes, several people pm'd me, but to them, they understand wanting a career and the frustrations that go with college and the life I am going in to. Does the mom who gushed about her husband (certain to get the other women gushing as well-- oh, she is such a Titus woman!) even think about doing anything else? I wish I was happy being an SAHM. I don't think that God made me to do that.

Nine kids. Career. I get irritated with my husband. I'm not exactly a stereotype mommy with a big family. I didn't care for labor and was relieved when my OB made me get a third c-section-- I argued him because I felt like I was supposed to, but in spite of having three hours or less labors, I don't like natural births. My kids bonded with me not when I breastfed but when I fed them period from a bottle or breast; my kids just liked to eat. Do I care if my husband hand feeds me chocolate or sends it to me? Noooo. I just like chocolate. Most women with big families are die-heard breast feeders, stay at home, have very natural births, etc.

I like the med student board-- I feel more challenged by people doing what I want to be doing.

I couldn't believe how much that woman's comment to me made me feel alienated. I can't even stand going back. I know that others are posting about how great their husbands are with emoticons, agreeing. Good for them.


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