Surgery and Reading

My hysterectomy is scheduled in three weeks. I am up at 3AM worrying. I can't sleep. It will cost quite a bit of money. Do I want this? If I don't do it, my doctor wants tests done that will be as annoying as the surgery prep itself on an organ (my uterus) that I do not need.

Recovery is six weeks long. There may not be this much time as I will have again for a long time. One of my friends, a local politician, is coming with me to the hospital. I don't want my husband there-- I'd rather have him with the kids at the house. Or to take time out to be with me later on. They don't want you moving around because they do so many internal stitches. For the first three weeks I will be out for the count on bed rest, then school resumes and he said that as long as I heal properly, I will be able to walk around school with luggage on wheels that many people do already. Of course we worry about how this will be with me putting it in and out of the car, but I should fare all right.

In yoga this is the location of the third chakra. What if he removes my uterus and i have thought that this was the location of that chakra? He laughed, "Well, you will still be able to have sex and enjoy it. You will just make a new location and focus on it!" He doesn't do yoga chakras. He thinks that is silly.

The ovaries will stay in. One of my great grandmothers died of ovarian cancer. I was scared when my mom went off about how young she was. Turns out "young" was 58-- my mom is almost 70 so 58 is young to her. My Gyn said that no, 58 is not young. He is 48 and said as much as he wishes that 58 was young, it is not! By then I will have hit menopause and they will get them out as they will have stopped working anyway and they are aware of the history now and will look for it.

I don't like surgery. I wonder how my body will change. I hope I don't get a big stomach like many women get. I don't want to be looking like a middle aged mother. I still feel 19! But-- acceptance of one's attributes that one cannot change is more important than hiding behind baggy clothes.

Tonight I helped my son with special needs read and do his spelling. We started singing his spelling words. Two of his words, her and were, sound similar but have different endings. He asked why and I told him about the history of the words. It made sense to him. Later I was grilling him on his words and he shut his eyes and sang them for me. I also drew < > greater and lesser signs but as musical symbols. He was learning them in math and they made more sense to him than the stupid explanation that my teacher and his teacher gave, "It's a tiny alligator (small end) wanting to take a big bite of the big alligator!" Guy understands the loudness aspect. He slipped me a note after dinner, "I want < spegety! It's <, < good!" (I want more spaghetti. It's very, very good.) That was cute. He likes the symbols so I will be looking for more for him. If things start to click in his mind, I will be very happy.